


baby don't you see (i got everything you need)

by PensamientosOscuros



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Friends to Lovers, One-sided chuuves, Pining, side Jinsol/Dahyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18515020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PensamientosOscuros/pseuds/PensamientosOscuros
Summary: "The air stilled inside the dingy restroom where there was a KJ inside a heart that they drew somewhere between hushed giggles, and where Jungeun confessed shaky and tearful that she thought she liked girls to a Jiwoo who didn’t hesitate for a second before reassuring her that it was okay. Both girls had cried and laughed inside that shabby room, and it seemed fit that Jungeun fell a little bit more in love in that place, on their junior dance."Or,the one where Jungeun has had a crush on her best friend for a long time, but she's not too good at reading the signs.





	baby don't you see (i got everything you need)

**Author's Note:**

> here to spread the chuulip agenda! if you like angst and not too many feelings, maybe this isn't for you

She knew Jiwoo was her soulmate before she even heard the word in one of her mom’s cringey dramas.

They were twelve – Jungeun was about to turn thirteen – when she sat down on the bleachers next to the girl with the braces and the injured ankle. It had been as much a show of solidarity as it had been a way to skip the last lap in gym class, but Jungeun found herself amused by the girl’s eerily cheery disposition, not losing her smile even though her ankle had grown swollen and taut. It was one of those friendships that just sparked at once without any apparent reason, one of those that started casually but turned into deep conversations and loud laughter late into the night and tired walks home and hesitant touches.

She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when she realized _it_ , but she never hid from her truth. Jiwoo grew taller, grew stronger, grew smarter and prettier and she’d be a fool not to notice all those things, not to be affected by them. She was only human, wasn’t she? She thought it wasn’t normal, but it wasn’t _bad_ , either. It just was.

The older girl would scoff at anyone even daring to speak to her between classes, but sought the heat of Jiwoo’s hand under hers. She would deny the upperclassmen’s offers for a ride home, but made sure that she never skipped last period so Jiwoo wouldn’t have to walk home alone. They shared the same group of friends, the same table at lunchtime, the same wallpaper of two girls on the verge of falling off a tree, happy beyond reason. Jungeun would never show any kind of interest in any of the boys that would gather enough courage to walk up to her desk and ask her out, but she’d look into Jiwoo’s eyes and she’d whisper about fate and some poem she had read clandestinely the night before. They were young, but their love was old as age.

 

\--

 

They were sophomores in high school, and at that point it was pretty unheard of to see one half of the pair without the other. Jungeun dropped all extracurricular activities except for dance, and Jiwoo regretfully abandoned her taekwondo lessons to focus on school.

That particular day, Jiwoo was tired and whiny in that Jiwoo way that made her endearing instead of annoying. She had started dragging her feet halfway to Jungeun’s house, and her frame bent under the weight of her backpack, looking like a dejected turtle. The vision made the older girl roll her eyes for all of one second before she chuckled and nudged her best friend, who simply whined but didn’t speak up.

“What’s up?” Jungeun asked, deciding to take it easy on her unusually quiet friend. She had been fine a few hours before during lunch – Jungeun even shared her fries with her, how could she not be! –, and in the three periods she hadn’t seen her, her mood had turned sour.

“Hyunjin asked me out today.”

Jungeun’s screech could be heard six houses down the street.

“What? Kim Hyunjin asked you out?” Jungeun’s pitch was embarrassingly high and her eyes were wide as saucers, rightfully so. The thought of their quiet friend doing something like asking someone out, a _girl_ on top of all, made her stop dead on her tracks. The fact that she had asked out the girl who made her palms sweat and her heart stop was neither here nor there.

This time, it was Jiwoo’s time to react. “Wh- What? No!” At least, the misunderstanding seemed to lighten her mood, as her exuberant laugh rang across the street. “Hwang Hyunjin, from biology! My _god,_ could you imagine…how did your mind go there straight away?” Her laugh was vibrant with life as it should be, so it was worth the traitorous blush spreading along Jungeun’s face.

The possible answers were endless, but her personal favorite was _because I like you like I’m supposed to like boys and it felt right to assume that it could be happening to someone else._ She just huffed, pretending to be annoyed.

“Shut up. Why are you even sulky, then? He’s cute, I think,” her voice was barely audible by the end of her sentence; thankfully her best friend didn’t seem to notice.

“I…I don’t know. It just bothered me. We’re friends, why would he ask me out? What does he even see in me?” Jungeun wanted to interrupt and let her know that she was underestimating her charms enormously, but she didn’t, “I just don’t like him like that, and now I’m going to be thinking about how I turned him down all through biology class!”

Jungeun tried to hide the relief that hit her like a wave. “That’s fair. Don’t worry, Jiwooming, it won’t be awkward. He’s nice, and no one can resist your conversation for long.” At the girl’s unconvinced huff she decided to pull out the big guns.

“Know what,” she started, sliding her hand into Jiwoo’s and pulling her in the opposite direction, “let’s go get ice cream. My treat, I know you’re broke.”

The younger girl’s smile took over the sun for a second.

 

\--

 

“You could be a singer, you know.”

Jiwoo looked up from her homework. She was lying on her belly on top of Jungeun’s bed, feet linked in the air behind her.

“Huh?”

Jungeun shrugged from her seat oh her desk chair, trying to appear nonchalant. “I’m just saying. You love singing, you're pretty good at it, and there’s a choir group at school. You should try out.”

Sadly, her attempt at being cool and unaffected failed miserably when Jiwoo’s face slowly lit up.

“You like how I sing?” She asked with a squeal, homework forgotten as she struggled to get off the bed. _Oh, boy._ She was half on top of her best friend before the other could react, letting out deafening noises that Jungeun was aware were her fault. “That’s so sweet! Thank you, Jungie-ah!”

The older girl tried not to flinch at the volume, instead moving her book off her lap so Jiwoo could comfortably settle down on it. “You’re so dramatic, Jiwooming. I’ve told you that a thousand times.”

“Yeah, but this was unprompted, out of nowhere! That means you were giving it a thought just because.” Her optimism was a definitely unlike Jungeun’s view of things, but she couldn’t deny that she was right. She would omit the part in which she was thinking about her singing because her voice was her favorite sound in the world, even when it was shrill and high beyond sanity.

“Okay, miss Positivity, you’re right. Now, are you gonna join the choir or not?”

Jiwoo looked unsure for the first time. “Well, I have to audition first, though, right? What if I don’t make it? That girl from our history class tried out but didn’t get in, remember? I’d _die_.”

“Alright, I take it back. Positive Jiwoo needs to come back.” She didn’t smile, and Jungeun sighed, wrapping her arms around her friend’s form. “Hey, listen. You’re the best singer in our class, maybe the best singer at school, and it’d be a waste if you just didn’t do it because you were scared. Remember when you stood up to Jaehyuk after he threw away my lunch freshman year, ready to beat him up?”

“I wasn’t actually going to beat him up…”she murmured, but Jungeun ignored her.

“You were scared of him, but you still confronted him, and you won! You did what you never thought you could, and now here you are, bravest person I know, about to enter the choir.”

Jiwoo groaned at how easily the girl could sway her, but smiled at the sweetness of the words.

“What would I do without you, Jungie-ah?”

“Nothing good, probably.”

The next day, Jiwoo didn’t wait for the bell to ring before running at full speed to Jungeun’s class, almost knocking her off her feet when she walked out of the room, hugging her.

“I made it into the choir!”

 

\--

 

Jungeun helped around in her uncle’s shop during the summer before junior year, and it was safe to assume that Jiwoo spent more time in the tiny convenience store than the uncle. By the second week of work, the younger girl knew more customers’ names than Jungeun did. Jungeun was the only one with a decent grasp on math though, so she gladly stayed at the register while she observed as Jiwoo socialized, entertained.

Inevitably, closeness resulted in friction, too.

A group of guys from SNU would regularly come in and get all kinds of unhealthy food, stopping by the register after to chat with the girls behind the counter. The older brunette remembered Jiwoo’s struggle with boys and dates in general, and watched with barely concealed satisfaction as the boys struck up conversation with the charming girl who remained completely oblivious to their advances.

“They’re embarrassing,” said Minhyuk, who routinely stepped away from his friends to lean close to Jungeun, cracking jokes and sharing funny stories about his day. “Eunwoo is the worst, though. He practically dragged us here after our last lecture,” he shared conspiratorially.

“So you didn’t want to come to the best corner shop in town?” Joked Jungeun. She liked the banter, and it worked as a distraction from the tediousness. Besides, he was a nice guy, and she didn’t know a lot of those.

She turned her head when she heard Jiwoo’s laugh, louder than usual, and found the proud face one of the guys – Eunwoo, she presumed – sported when the girl rested her hand on his forearm. She wondered if she should start worrying. After all, she assumed that her friend wouldn’t be interested in guys after her rotund refusal to go out with one, but what if she just didn’t like _him_? What if she liked Eunwoo, who was tall and older and a _man_?

She was starting to feel paranoid, and helplessly noticed her mood dropping despite Minhyuk’s best attempts to keep her attention. Not long after, they were left alone again in the cozy shop.

There was some kind of tension palpable in the air that she didn’t know how to defuse. Normally Jiwoo would pick up the conversation for the two of them, but she also seemed drawn to herself, a stark contrast to the enthusiastic girl she was a few minutes prior.

“They’re nice,” Jiwoo said after a while, drawing patterns on the scratched glass counter with her finger, “especially Minhyuk. He seems sweet.”

The displeasure pooling inside Jungeun’s chest spoke for her. “I’m surprised you even noticed.”

Jiwoo turned to look at her, the glass forgotten. “What do you mean? He was here five minutes ago.” There was a certain edge to her voice that Jungeun was not used to, which only made her sharpen further.

“I don’t know, I thought you were too busy flirting with his cute friend to even notice we were here too.” _Careful, Jungeun,_ a voice in her head reminded her, _this is your jealousy speaking. Just back off._ She breathed in, about to apologize, when Jiwoo interjected.

“ _I_ was the one flirting? We were just talking, Minhyuk was basically sniffing your hair while you laughed at his terrible jokes!” Her eyes were wide open and her voice accusing, the sight so unfamiliar to her best friend that her chest tugged uncomfortably. “I felt awkward, just seeing you two.”

That seemed to snap something inside Jungeun that she had kept carefully hidden for a long time.

“God, forgive me for making a friend that has nothing to do with you! It must be hard, to not have everyone’s attention on you at all times, right?” As soon as she said it her mouth clamped shut, body deflating under the realization of her words. She should’ve known just how deep her feelings ran; she had been foolish to think that she’d be able to go on with her life while her heart belonged to someone who had no idea. “Wait, no, Jiwoo, I’m sorry..:”

The younger girl was making a valiant effort not to let the tears swimming in her eyes spill. “Forget it.” With that, she was gone. The bell above the door mocked her with its cheery chiming when the door closed behind Jiwoo.

Jungeun was numb, not registering what had just happened.

Two hours later her uncle walked in, only to dismiss her immediately at her distraught appearance. She had tried texting her friend, she’d even called her, ignoring her own aversion to phone calls in favor of Jiwoo’s favorite way of communicating. Obviously, she’d received no answer.

That night she didn’t sleep a wink.

By six in the morning she was ready to rip her hair out. She didn’t know if Jiwoo had read her texts, and if she had, if she could feel the sheer desperation she was experiencing. Jungeun saw the first colors of the morning appearing through her window and her mind conjured the image of Jiwoo in her arms, keeping her warm, just admiring how pretty the light started to taint the darkness, and suddenly her room felt too stifling.

As quietly as she could, she put on a hoodie over her sleeping shorts, only washing her face quickly and putting her hair in a bun before she sneaked out of the window in a way only years of athletics allowed. Her fingers didn’t stop moving inside her pockets on her way to Jiwoo’s house, feeling the cold metal of her keys and the smooth surface of her phone to calm herself down. She just needed to apologize and physically check that Jiwoo didn’t hate her.

She arrived almost entirely thanks to muscle memory; she couldn’t begin to count the number of times she’d made this same journey with a sunny Jiwoo holding onto her arm. She was so concentrated in what she wanted to say that it didn’t occur to her that she couldn’t just ring the doorbell at 6:30 in the morning. Standing in front of the imposing house, the problem was unavoidable.

“Shit,” she muttered, frustrated with herself and the situation she had gotten them into because of her stupid feelings. “God, Jiwoo, please be awake.” With trembling fingers she started typing, selfishly praying that she hadn’t been the only one unable to quiet her mind enough to sleep.

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3:** hey

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3:** i’m outside your window

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3:** god if you’re not awake i’m just gonna freeze to death here

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3:** i didn’t put pants on

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3:** i’m sorry jiwoo. i was being a dick. please let me tell you in person and then i’ll leave, i promise

She stood under the girl’s window with goosebumps all over her bare legs and red rimmed eyes, looking like a particularly stupid burglar with her eyes glued to her phone. She wished she was in a movie so she could blast a romantic song from a boom box and look as Jiwoo’s angry face softened at her confession of eternal love from her window, prettier than any Juliet in the world. But she was just a teenager with a sad crush on her best friend, and…

“Hi.”

She hadn’t even noticed the girl exiting her house through the back door, too focused on her phone and an unopened window. She looked a mess: her hair was up in a bun and her eyes were red and swollen, a clear indicator that the girl had been crying – not that it was hard for her. She was wearing one of Jungeun’s old swimming competition tees already faded from overuse, and the older girl felt her chest contract. God, she didn’t even have the words to describe what she made her feel.

“I’m so sorry.” It was hard for her to express her emotions let alone admit her wrongdoings, but she’d rather show up naked to school than see that expression on her friend’s face for one more minute. “I was a bitch and what I said wasn’t true, I didn’t mean it. I just got defensive and…I don’t know.” She scratched her head, cowering under Jiwoo’s unjudging gaze. “I was jealous. I…”

“Me too.” Jiwoo’s voice was uncharacteristically low, but Jungeun was so hyper alert that she caught it. “I’m sorry. I was also…you didn’t deserve that.”

Jungeun stepped closer to her, desperate to make contact with the girl who touched her like it was nothing. She didn’t really know what to say, but the girl looked so small in her shirt and slippers that she took another step, testing the waters. Jiwoo looked up from her spot on the ground, and her soft eyes were as loud as her voice.

Jungeun took a shaky breath. “Can I…?” She raised her arms indicating a hug, and Jiwoo barely nodded before she jumped into her arms, face scrunching up to ugly cry, as they called it. She held her tight, rubbing her cheek against Jiwoo’s temple to find comfort in her skin. She felt exposed in a good way, only bare for Jiwoo to see.

“I missed you,” she muttered, tightening her arms around the younger brunette.

She chuckled wetly into her neck. “It’s only been 12 hours,” she said, then, quieter, “but I missed you too.”

They ended up cuddled in Jiwoo’s bed, spent and drained. Jungeun wondered if best friends were supposed to have such intense emotional fallouts, or if her love ridden mind twisted things beyond recognition. She kissed Jiwoo’s forehead before allowing herself to fall asleep too.

Whatever it was, it was worth it.

 

\--

 

The rest of the summer brought them even closer if possible. Jiwoo would sit close to Jungeun behind the counter, making sure that the girl was inside every conversation she shared with the boys. Her left ear would probably suffer from permanent damage if the screams and powerful whines her friend lived off of were any indication, but she’d learnt to get used to them a long time ago. They would spend six hours inside the shop, then they’d run anywhere, lying under the burning sun until they got uneven tans and counting the stars at night, wrapped up in each other.

Jiwoo had finally gone through her last considerable growth spurt, and to Jungeun’s dismay she realized that the girl was now an inch taller than her. The younger girl, not one to miss a chance to clown the dancer, took immense pleasure in their height difference.

It was a hot day out, warm enough for tank tops and shorts, and both girls were locked inside Jungeun’s house with the blinds down, finishing up a math project. The afternoon had consisted in Jiwoo whining about math taking years off her life, thus trying to distract a diligently working Jungeun. Unlike the younger girl, she liked to get to her work straight away, and it was proving difficult with a frustrated Jiwoo next to her, ready to do anything to get her to drop her pen.

“Jungie-ah, I’m hungry…”

“There’s food in the fridge.”

Jiwoo huffed. “I don’t want to munch on a carrot. Make me something?” Her voice was saccharine sweet and her lips were already in a pout, yet her eyes glinted mischievously. “Please, Jungie-ah?”

Jungeun ignored her for all of three seconds before her hand gave up on her. “ _Fine_ ,” she said, pretending to glare at the younger girl. Her bangs were messy and her hair was up in a long ponytail, so she didn’t feel too bad when she ruffled her hair on her way to the kitchen. “Okay, what do you want, brat?” She already had some bread on the counter and patiently turned to Jiwoo, who was following her. Jungeun saw in her peripheral how the girl’s quadriceps tightened with every step, how the curve of her calves accentuated when she walked, and she almost forgot what she asked.

“What does the chef recommend?”

“The chef is about to kick your annoying ass out of her house if you don’t say what you wanna eat right now, Kim Jiwoo.”

The girl was looking at her funnily. “I want sunflower seed chocolate balls.”

The other girl frowned. “How specific. I don’t even know if we have…”

“There,” Jiwoo pointed at the cupboard to the left of the girl right away. Jungeun looked at her in surprise before checking. Indeed, there was a package of snacks sitting on the top shelf.

“Wait, how did you know?” She went to reach for the package without waiting for an answer, getting on her tip toes before she felt a hand closing around her forearm gently. Jiwoo ran her hand up her arm, stepping close, pulling Jungeun back an inch so she could occupy her place.

Okay, well. Jungeun was very sure that she was gay before that instant, but it was like realization downed on her all over again when she saw Jiwoo’s wide shoulders, the muscle around her shoulder blades shifting beneath the skin as she stretched to reach the shelf. Her tank top barely covered anything. She was close enough for the girl’s sweet scent to reach her nose, and she swore she had never smelled anything so delicious. Her hands clenched into fists, itching to touch.

Their summer argument had somehow accentuated her attraction to her friend, who shamelessly took pleasure in touching just about any part of her body, for any reason, anytime. Logically, Jungeun knew that Jiwoo was naturally touchy, she _knew_ , but she also noticed how she only ever caressed Jungeun’s hand when they held hands, or how she liked to touch the sliver of skin under her crop tops, and how she had a ‘one kiss a day’ rule in which she _had_ to kiss Jungeun at least once – mostly on the cheek, but she had received a couple in increasingly stranger places – or she’d throw a tantrum like the baby she secretly was.

It really wasn’t fair that she had a crush on the most physically affectionate girl in South Korea.

“Here,” said Jiwoo, turning to her with the faintest smirk, “I saw you were having trouble reaching that shelf.” And, _oh._ So that was it.

“You _demon_!” The older girl cried out, already behind a hysterically laughing Jiwoo trying to escape her friend’s violence. “Kim Jiwoo, you are _dead_ to me, I promise!”

“I love you too, Jungie-ah!”

 

\--

 

Junior year came and went, and things changed slightly.

Jiwoo started working as a taekwondo instructor for little children two times a week. It was a 'dream come true' as she put it, being able to be as loud as she wanted while she trained with little kids who barely reached her hipbone and who called her _miss_ and sometimes cried when they were too happy, just like her.

Jungeun waited for her by her locker when classes were over, and again in the evening when Jiwoo was done with her own taekwondo lessons, as the dance studio wasn’t far away from the local gym. She was the youngest instructor there, and Jungeun caught herself smiling at the sight of the small children bowing to a grinning Jiwoo before rushing into their parents’ arms.

On days when she couldn’t wait for the younger girl, she always made sure to remind her to text her when she got home.

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3: **practice is running late today, sorry

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3:** remember to put on your jacket when you leave, you’re sweaty

 **To: Jiwoo Kamehameha <3: **and let me know when you get home

 **From:** **Jiwoo Kamehameha <3: **thank you mom! :D

Jungeun fake puked. “Not mom,” she murmured, dropping her phone back into her bag.

An hour later, she was ready to pass out in her bed.

“See you next week,” she heard Hyo saying as they all walked out. She reciprocated, waving goodbye to some of the other girls, and left the studio. She should have expected Jiwoo’s smiley face to greet her outside, accompanied by a bag full of her favorite snacks.

“I thought you’d need these,” she said with a smile splitting her face, even though her own exhaustion was clear on her round face.

“You didn’t have to do that,” was all that Jungeun could come up with, overwhelmed as she was with adoration. She proceeded to accept the bag, squeezing the fingers that sneaked between her own right away.

“I wanted to.”

“You want me to get fat.”

“Well, why not? You’d be cute either way.”

“Yah!”

 

\--

 

They went to the junior dance together, like many other friends did.

Jiwoo had been on the verge of tears all day, since the dance happened to fall on the last day of taekwondo classes and she found it unbearable to say goodbye to her kids for the summer. Jungeun and Heejin had been making fun of her the whole day, but when they walked home alone, the older brunette took pity on her friend.

“Hey, are you feeling better?”

Jiwoo nodded. Although she wasn’t being her usually noisy self, she didn’t seem as sad anymore. “Yeah. Thank god tonight’s the dance, or I’d have to cry myself to sleep.”

“If that’s what you want, I can still make it happen _even_ after the dance,” Jungeun teased, which effectively made her laugh. Jackpot.

“We’re still getting ready at mine, right? At 7?”

The girl nodded. “Yeah. I have no dance practice today, so I’ll wait for you there.”

Seven couldn’t come fast enough.

Having a ridiculously big crush on your best friend sometimes didn’t completely suck, Jungeun noted. As she looked at Jiwoo in her lovely dress with a smile that could rival the sun and stars in her eyes, she decided that she wouldn’t change a thing.

This was only reinforced when two hours into the party, the younger girl, breathless from dancing and laughing along her best friends, leaned close to her.

“I need to pee. Come with me?”

They made their way to one of the restrooms in the farther side of the school, chasing each other and acting like they were spies in the middle of a dangerous mission crossing through dark hallways in a dress and heels. Jungeun could swear that she hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol, but Nayeon _did_ threaten to spike the punch a couple days before, so she couldn't be too sure.

“Where’s the light?” Jiwoo asked, snorting when Jungeun unceremoniously flipped the switch on. “I knew I did well in bringing you along.”

The older girl let the door slam behind her, relishing in the break from the loud music and the bass bumping.

“You only like me for my excellent finding abilities. What do you bring to the table, huh?”

She moved to the sink, looking at her reflection in the mirror. A few weeks ago she had dyed her hair for the first time a light brown, and she was happy that she liked the final results. Jiwoo loved it too, which was a bonus.

Jiwoo’s voice was muffled by the stall door between them. “I like you because you can bench-press me despite the fact that I’m, like, _insanely_ taller than you.”

The other girl laughed in disbelief. “I am taller than you right now! Why don’t you come out and say it to my face!”

The sound of the toilet flushing indicated that the girl was about to do just that, if she trusted her competitive streak. Thankfully, she was hygienic enough to wash her hands, making a show of drying them before she approached the other girl who, in fact, was taller thanks to her high heels.

“Well?” Jungeun prompted, stretching to her maximum height.

Jiwoo apparently also had some of the potentially spiked punch, because her eyes moved around Jungeun’s face like she was seeing her for the first time that night, and not trying to mock her height. The air stilled inside the dingy restroom where there was a KJ inside a heart that they drew somewhere between hushed giggles, and where Jungeun confessed shaky and tearful that she thought she liked girls to a Jiwoo who didn’t hesitate for a second before reassuring her that it was okay. Both girls had cried and laughed inside that shabby room, and it seemed fit that Jungeun fell a little bit more in love in that place, on their junior dance.

“I like you because you’re you. You say you don’t like hugging, but you’re always hugging me. And I know you don’t like spicy food, but you always order it for me. You have little to no patience for bullshit, yet you always help the younger girls during practice when they’re having trouble with their moves.” The room is quiet, the only thing Jungeun can hear is her frantic heartbeat inside her ears and Jiwoo’s hushed words. “You’re braver than I could ever be, and I don’t think you even know it.”

Jungeun could not for the life of her say a single word. If she really were as brave as Jiwoo said, she would have swooped down and kissed her speechless, but she didn’t.

“And, yeah, I also like that you’re shorter than me. Deal with it.”

That night, Jiwoo didn’t cry herself to sleep. She wrapped her arms around Jungeun instead, who held her close in return.

 

\--

 

They cried for two days straight when Jiwoo’s parents told her she’d be spending the summer in London with her cousin Yerim. Apparently, it had been a last minute decision, as Yerim had recently found a summer job next to her university, and invited her favorite cousin to try the summer-abroad life before college. At first Jiwoo had been furious with her parents, but after the second night of complaining inside Jungeun’s arms, the older girl comforted her through her own heartbreak.

Objectively, it was a fantastic opportunity to learn the language and try the adult life for herself, and she’d get to explore many new places. Jungeun told her as much, and after a while, added, “Besides, that way it’ll be like meeting each other all over again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or whatever.”

“But my heart is here, with you.”

Jungeun wondered if Jiwoo had any idea how her breath stalled in her chest at the words.

“I’m gonna miss your cheesy ass,” she whispered into her forehead, “so much.”

Hours later, Jiwoo could barely stop crying at the airport terminal, while Jungeun valiantly kept her tears at bay. Her parents were unwilling participants in their dramatic antics, as always.

“Text me every day, or I’ll fly over there and punch you. I’m serious.”

“Are you kidding? I’ll call every day, Jungie-ah. I love you.” Her voice was already clogged with snot and her face wet with tears, but Jungeun kissed her cheeks anyway.

“I love you too.”

 

\--

 

They spent the summer glued to their phones, sharing their adventures religiously. Jungeun’s uncle’s shop was boring this time around, and although she was socializing just fine, she felt the empty space next to her behind the counter like a black hole.

Every night before bed, she’d pull out a small calendar from under her bed to cross out the date, closer to the day her best friend would finally be back. She did get to experience firsthand just how much distance amplified her feelings, though. She’d started to take her charger everywhere she went, just in case Jiwoo wanted to call her while she wasn’t home, and she had ruined movie night with the girls on more than one occasion by insisting they use Nayeon’s big screen to video call Jiwoo instead of watching a movie. Hyunjin made a joke once about how they reminded her of her parents, and the deep crimson in her face was well disguised by the play wrestling match she got the younger girl into.

When Jiwoo appeared in her room two days before she was supposed to come back, her words failed her.

“What…”

She only reacted when the girl jumped into her arms, screams hypersonically loud and _god_ , how had she missed her.

If she shed a couple of tears while hidden in her best friend’s embrace, no one could prove it.

 

\--

 

Senior year started like junior year ended, with Jungeun completely fascinated with everything Jiwoo did or said, and Jiwoo oblivious to it all.

Or, so she guessed. Really, she wasn’t known for her observation skills.

 

\--

 

It happened on Jungeun’s eighteenth birthday.

Jiwoo organized an entire surprise party at Jungeun’s, inviting all their friends from school and some people she knew Jungeun liked from dance practice. The older girl, as much as she hated surprises, was speechless. Jiwoo had been nervous but bright, her loudness even louder, her eyes even wider, and Jungeun scoffed when she caught someone looking remotely annoyed with her best friend. Jiwoo’s touches were constant like they always were, yet Jungeun still sought them out like she had been away from her for too long. Her mom, always attentive and always caring, watched on as Jungeun struggled to divide her attention between the guests, amused.

She didn’t cry when they sang happy birthday to her – she never did, it was mildly uncomfortable and she didn’t really like attention when she had to stay still and just take it –, but Jiwoo’s eyes shone with emotion and the older girl simply squeezed her hand under the table, as a thank you and as reassurance. Jungeun couldn’t recall a single face around her that day except for her best friend’s, couldn’t feel a thing except her warm touch and the tightness in her gut; she was almost too breathless to blow off the candles.

 

 

“Hey, Jungie?”

They were exhausted from all the singing they did at the karaoke down the street after dinner and everything else that a birthday party entailed; it was easy to tell by the soft quality of Jiwoo’s voice and her heavy eyes. Jungeun turned to look at her, toothbrush still hanging from her lips, and she could only stare. Somewhere in her mind a voice questioned, small and quiet, if she had ever felt that way before. If her heart had ever stopped like that, if her skin had ever burned like a match, if her fingers had ever trembled with yearning.

“Did you have fun?”

She blinked a couple times and tightened her hand around her toothbrush, coming to. Music played softly from Jungeun’s stereo, some girl group that Jiwoo had chosen and that she would usually pretend to dislike, but not now. Her friend looked up at her like she had never seen anything so precious, and her chest was almost caving in. How did Jiwoo do it? The heat inside her chest was almost dizzying so she turned back around and walked into her bathroom, spitting out and rinsing her mouth. She could still feel the girl’s tired eyes upon her as she washed her face, letting the coldness bring down her momentary fever.

A few minutes passed since the question, but the younger girl didn’t break the silence again. She was lying on Jungeun’s bed the same way she had innumerable times before – she once told Jungeun that it was her favorite place in the world, cuddled next to her, and _yeah,_ maybe Jungeun had some kind of long term heart disorder – but still different. Her eyes sought her out like there was nothing else in the world worth looking at, like there was nothing else she’d rather do on a Saturday night with a shot of soju in her system that Jinsol managed to get them at the karaoke, like she wasn’t the most beautiful girl Jungeun had ever seen in her life and chose to be in that room, with her.

She was quiet when she sat next to Jiwoo, feeling the emotions of the day drain away, and she couldn’t help the slow smile on her lips when she moved Jiwoo’s hair back from her forehead and let her fingers linger, tracing soft skin and warming it up. She hoped her best friend could see how happy she’d been instead of having to tell her, but the girl spoke up again, voice rough from tiredness and overuse.

“I just wanted today to be perfect.” _For you,_ she didn’t say, but Jungeun felt it prickling under her skin, clawing up her chest.

She wanted to ask, _do you feel what I’m feeling?_ But looking down, she didn’t think it was necessary.

Jungeun’s thumb paused on her eyebrow. She prided herself on her cold-headedness and unwavering use of logic, but maybe the soju was stronger than it was supposed to be, and maybe the crush she had been coming to terms with for a long time was something bigger than she thought it was.

Licking her lips nervously, she dropped her weight on her forearm right next to her friend’s face, sliding her hand up into brown hair, drifting closer to the younger girl. Intimacy came naturally to her with Jiwoo, but this kind of closeness made her breathing stall and her mouth dry in a way that wasn’t normal.

“It was. Or, almost,” she whispered, marveling at the way Jiwoo’s chest heaved for a second at her voice, low and secretive. They really were on the same wavelength, and she never knew until now. “There was…” she swallowed, and tried again. “There’s something that could make it even better, though.”

The tension was not lost on Jiwoo, who shifted slightly, suddenly too stiff and too alert and too _something_. Her voice was even rougher when she asked, “What is it?”

Jungeun supposed she could have been eloquent in that way that made Jiwoo blush and pull her close in embarrassment, but she was too tired. It was still her birthday by a few minutes, and Jiwoo was looking at her like she was born to do so, and they were _so_ close that it’d be a sin not to lean in slowly and feel a strawberry breath ghosting her lips, the soft brush of Jiwoo’s nose sliding against hers, Jiwoo’s trembling fingers on her hair…

It was tender in the way that only years of longing and suppression and pure, unadulterated love could be. Jungeun burned from the inside out when she opened her mouth against Jiwoo’s, taking her in in a way she had only ever dared to dream of, smiling into the kiss when she felt the girl’s fingers pull her impossibly closer until she almost fell on top of her. It was hard to breathe, but it was harder to try to pull away from Jiwoo’s loving mouth and gentle devotion.

Jungeun faintly heard the song change into one of her favorites, accompanied by Jiwoo’s gasps and her own panting as she shifted on top of the girl, bringing her mouth down her slender neck, tasting skin that was somehow familiar and unknown at the same time. It felt clumsy, the way in which she was pressing into Jiwoo carelessly, the way in which her skin shone after Jungeun’s eager tongue painted over it like a canvas, the harsh exhales and choked sounds they drew out of each other, but it felt unavoidable, too.

Hours later, they were encased in each other – Jiwoo was wearing Jungeun’s fluffiest pajamas, like always –, Jiwoo slumbering by her side, lips tender and curved into a smile. Jungeun allowed her happiness to overflow for the first time, a grin so wide that it could split her face. She fist bumped the air in an unrestrained sign of glee, almost jostling the girl awake, before finally settling down and succumbing to sleep.

Her last thought before she drifted off was childish and ridiculously happy.

_This birthday’s gonna be fucking impossible to top._

\--

 

The changes were barely noticeable, really. Jungeun didn’t realize just how coupley they had always acted until they started dating and almost nothing changed. She wondered if they had been too obvious in their obliviousness, but then one of their friends would rave on about some guy who apparently wanted to ask one of the senior girls out to the next party, and they would all bet on Jiwoo as his first choice and, well. It wasn’t ideal, but it calmed the paranoid turmoil inside Jungeun.

(Besides, it was always hilarious to see Jiwoo try to get out of that one).

The last term of their senior year was approaching, and with it the Promised Land, the best summer of their lives so far. They fantasized at night, in between kisses and play-fights, about their future and what it might look like. Jiwoo mentioned her cousin twice removed once, a woman she didn’t recall very well but who she knew married another woman before moving to Canada. She admitted to not really keeping in contact via her family as no one really brought her up much, but she did her fair share of stalking when she found out about them, hidden behind her lock and her bed covers, and they just seemed _so_ happy that she desperately wished she could find something like it, some day. Her eyes were glistening when she finished telling her girlfriend, and then she kissed Jungeun, full of promises and plans, and Jungeun eagerly drank every last one.

It wasn’t summer yet, though, and they each had a lot of work to go through before they graduated. Jiwoo’s choir group, as hectic as it could be, didn’t bring a lot of trouble. She was one of the lead singers, expected to perform at the end of the term’s showcase, and the thought excited her more than terrified her. Her mom was a singer, and she always said Jiwoo could outshine the best performer in the world with a little training (Jungeun might be biased, but she definitely agreed with Mrs. Kim). Jungeun on the other hand, was known for her lack of patience as much as for her talent in her dance crew, which led to her being only close to a handful of people.

Jinsol was the most chaotic person in the world, which apparently made for a very good dancer, and an interesting friend to have.

“So, I got a new flatmate and she asked me about the crew,” she said one day while they were stretching, sweaty and flushed. She was a freshman in college, although Jungeun knew her from her high school days. She admired the older woman in an abstract kind of way; she saw herself in Jinsol’s ambition, and she wanted to follow her footsteps. She longed for the freedom she saw in her, too. “I told her she could come next time, hang around, ya know.”

Jungeun shrugged her affirmation, and after they were done packing up they went to a nearby bar, where Jiwoo was already waiting with her friend Haseul from choir.

“Hey!” The bright voice greeted them, and Jungeun felt a bit dumb when her heartrate picked up like it was their first date. “How was practice?”

The dancer sat down next to her, leaving Jinsol to sit next to Haseul, who was just as curious about the girls’ practice. Jungeun found the singer’s hand blindly under the table, and immediately laced their fingers, smiling. “It was fine. Hyo’s gonna choose formations and pairings for the summer showcase next week, so we better rehearse our stages before Wednesday.”

Jinsol nodded, more excited than Jungeun, and seemed to remember her news. “On top of that, my new flatmate arrived yesterday and she’s cool, not gonna lie.” Jungeun nodded absentmindedly, pushing the drinks menu closer to Jiwoo so she could choose before the waiter arrived. She wasn’t feeling especially sociable after a long day of school and practice, and she was kinda bitter that she couldn’t just fall into Jiwoo’s arms and spend the evening there, so conversation didn’t come easily to her.

Her bubbly girlfriend, perceptive as ever, squeezed her hand under the table. “That’s great, unnie! Why did she change dorms so late in the year?”

The conversation flowed from there, and Jungeun ended up enjoying herself despite everything. It didn’t hurt that after they said their goodbyes, she got to walk Jiwoo home and steal furtive kisses under her back porch.

 

\--

 

“What do you think about chihuahuas?”

Jungeun snorted at the question, slapping her book softly against Jiwoo’s thigh before going back to reading. The other girl pretended to be hurt, but her bright laugh gave her away.

“They’re rats,” was all Jungeun said on the matter, trying her hardest not to smile at the affronted look on her girlfriend’s face.

“They’re _cute,_ Kim Jungeun!”

Jungeun closed the book, not even bothering to mark where she left off – she’d been pretending to read for a while, anyway. With little effort she wrestled the phone out of Jiwoo’s hands, diving down immediately to find her lips. Despite the pretend fight, Jiwoo melted right away, willingly pushing the device away and bringing both arms around Jungeun’s neck, pulling her down on top of her. She readjusted on the bed to make Jungeun fit on top of her like the other piece of a puzzle, and it didn’t take her long to find her hands drawn to warm skin and a strong back.

It was ridiculous, just how easy it was to get them both on the same page, panting and wanting like the teenagers they were, abandoning everything else in an instant. They talked about it sometimes, shame and something else painting their cheeks when they brought it up in hushed whispers, _it’s embarrassing how I’m always thinking about kissing you, you know?,_ but ultimately it wasn’t a problem that required solving. They were careful around everyone, and only truly let their defenses down when in private, so no harm, no foul.

 

\--

 

Jungeun sighed dejectedly, packing her sweaty clothes into her bag.

“Hey, nice practice today, unnie!” Yerim said behind her, and she turned around, smiling at the contagious enthusiasm the younger dancer exuded even though disappointment hung onto her every limb.

“Yeah, same. Didn’t know you had changed your choreo so much, it looked amazing.”

The young girl smiled even bigger, and the flush on her cheeks was hard to miss. “Thank you, unnie! Chae and I worked on it during the weekend, and we’re pretty happy with it.”

Jungeun went to tell her that they should be really proud, so young and already creating fantastic choreography, when Jinsol walked in with someone else in tow. Both of them were taller than anyone else in the room, and their very aura commanded attention. Jungeun was annoyed that she couldn’t help but give in.

“Hyo seemed happy, right?” The blonde asked, turning to her friend, sweaty but composed and still as pretty as when she walked in. Jinsol turned to Jungeun once again, an excited smile on her face. “She wouldn’t stop gushing about what a good addition Sooyoung would be! Honestly girl, I didn’t know you had it in you.” She added, patting the new girl on the shoulder.

Yerim agreed next to her, and Jungeun felt bad when Sooyoung tilted her head down humbly. She breathed deeply, and forced herself to be decent. The girl was a good dancer, and that wasn’t a bad thing.

“Yeah, those moves were incredible. You should teach us a couple things next time,” she said, and despite the ill-settled envy clawing inside her, she felt proud that she didn’t let her emotions overpower her. Jiwoo was always better at managing them, surprisingly.

“Thank you,” she said in response, genuinely flattered, and this time Jungeun’s smile wasn’t as forced.

The three of them went to their usual place, with only Jiwoo waiting for them, glasses perched on her nose as she read something on her phone. Jungeun accepted the skip in her heartbeat gladly.

“Hey,” she muttered as she sat down, fighting herself not to kiss her like she wanted to. Small sacrifices, she reminded herself. “Missed you,” she said instead, so low that it would’ve gone unnoticed hadn’t Jiwoo been paying her all the attention in the world.

“Hi,” she greeted back softly, reaching out to hold her hand under the table, a quiet sign of _I missed you too_ before she turned to meet their guests.

“Hi, Jinsol-unnie!”

“Hello, Dory.” Jinsol’s obsession with marine creatures came in handy when giving out nicknames – except when she called Jungeun _Nessie_ because she wouldn’t appear within a five mile radius of a camera. “This is my flatmate, Sooyoung. She’s Jiwoo, Jungeun’s best friend.”

They bowed to each other and easily started a conversation. Sooyoung seemed to have taken an immediate interest in Jiwoo, talking to her more than she had with anyone during practice, smiling at everything she said. The girl was respectful and obviously nice, but Jungeun was close to bursting from the practice before, and anything could set her off.

“How was practice?” Jiwoo asked like she did after every rehearsal, and Jungeun felt tempted to tell her the truth: how she was disappointed that Hyo didn’t seem too convinced to put her on the frontline even after she had practiced nonstop, that the new girl had caught everyone’s attention the second she walked in and danced for the first time, that she sometimes felt like she wasn’t good enough to be on the crew. But she ran her thumb over the girl’s skin and lied for the sake of the conversation.

“It was good. Sooyoung unnie came in and stole the show.” She hoped that her words didn’t come with the double edge she suspected they might have. Thankfully they didn’t; Jiwoo turned to the girl, an excited smile on her face, and Jungeun paid attention to the way the older girl reacted. She felt stupid and insecure, and after a while, she learned to ignore her possessiveness.

Thankfully for Jungeun, things started to look up after the day from hell.

She kept on top of her schoolwork nicely enough, and her heart didn’t tug uncomfortably at the thought of not making it to the summer showcase. She realized she had overreacted, and sometimes her expectations got the best of her – even her family had noticed. Her dad wasn’t one to beat around the bush, and she (kind of) appreciated the stern talking she received after a mild grade made her upset enough to skip dinner and slam the front door on her way out to what they later found out was Jiwoo’s house.

All in all, things were getting better.

She even got closer to Sooyoung – she liked hanging out in Jinsol’s dorm before practice sometimes when Jiwoo had choir –, and the older girl was full of surprises. She was majoring in languages with only a minor in dance, despite being spectacular at it, but her dream was to speak as many languages as possible and to know as many cultures as she could. Sooyoung said that there was no worse ignorance than staying in the comfort of what we know, and the younger girl could relate, somehow. The brunette had moved all the way from Busan just because she liked big cities, and Jungeun could hear the homesickness in her voice sometimes. She was a nice friend, and she regretted the unreasonable envy that she had felt when she first met her. From then on, she’d decided, she’d be better.

 

\--

 

They hadn’t told anyone about them.

Jungeun remembered vividly a guy who came out the year they got into high school, a senior from the football team, the epitome of masculinity and self-assuredness. She remembered him dropping the team, she remembered the jokes and quiet whispers at his expense, and she remembered his unparalleled glee the day he graduated, looking as though he had been released from prison. She didn’t want that for her, and least of all for Jiwoo.

It felt a bit like hell, like they were purposefully lying to their friends for no real reason, keeping the most important parts of themselves away from them. It was hard to talk about their weekends and avoid the dates, and even harder to tone down the intimacy when they weren’t alone. Jiwoo was a naturally affectionate person, they all knew, but Jungeun’s codependence regarding the younger girl would inevitably turn suspicious, at one point or another. She longed to tell her friends about the butterflies in her stomach when she thought about her girlfriend and she would kill to vent about how giddy a simple kiss made her. Sometimes she had to close her mouth when Chaeyoung asked the group what their best date was or if they even had a crush, her eyes traitorously moving to the girl sitting next to her before lying between her teeth. She didn’t think it was possible to pretend not to be in love with Jiwoo any longer, after so many years of quiet yearning. She didn’t think their friends would hate them, but it wasn’t something she was willing to risk. She couldn’t give up her friends, and she couldn’t give up Jiwoo.

So far they had managed, laughing along when Heejin made a joke about Jungeun dating one of the guys in the football team, or feigning interest when Hyunjin invited them to the school’s next baseball game, where all the upperclassmen gathered to flaunt their talents.

They just had to wait until they were out of high school.

 

\--

 

They were at a bar, drinking and eating to celebrate Sooyoung’s nineteenth birthday, who was already amusingly flushed. Turned out college students could be as much of a lightweight as high schoolers, apparently.

Jiwoo was right in her element, mingling with the people there like it was second nature, managing to taste a bit of every dish on the table, and Jungeun found herself comfortable between two of the flatmates’ friends, contributing to the lively conversation once in a while. She was thankful that Sooyoung had been kind enough to expressly invite Jiwoo; after all, they had only spoken once before, even if Sooyoung asked her about the girl every time they met. Her girlfriend seemed to have noticed her staring from two seats away, because she winked slyly and continued with her own conversation like she hadn’t made Jungeun’s gut clench. The dancer looked away, blaming her flaming cheeks on the soju. Sooyoung’s friends were loud and a bit rowdy, and she laughed every time they offered her a sip of alcohol before saying yes.

She was tipsy, and her tongue felt like lead inside her mouth. She stopped accepting the innocent drinks the second she started feeling a familiar craving in her throat, a ridiculous need to drag Jiwoo onto her lap and kiss her breathlessly. As open as the company was, she doubted that the action would be well received. The singer looked delicious with her own blush dusting her round cheeks and her melodic laugh overpowering every other sound, and Jungeun wondered how she got so lucky.

An hour later, they’re all vacating the now quiet bar, ready to put an end to the fun night.

“Jungeun-ah, wait,” she heard behind her as she waited for Jiwoo to come back from the bathroom, holding her coat for her. Sooyoung was mostly recovered, and her eyes shone in an unbearably pretty way as she reached out to hold her forearm for a second. Not for the first time since she had met her, Jungeun rationalized that Sooyoung would have been the kind of girl to make her realize she liked girls at school with her sweet demeanor and lovely smile. Whoever ended up with her, she thought, would be stupidly lucky.

“Could you give me Jiwoo’s number?” The noise around her screeched to a halt. Sooyoung looked nervous then, scratching her wrist as if double-guessing herself, but determinedly carried on. Suddenly, all those times she thought she had imagined Sooyoung’s adoring looks towards Jiwoo rushed through her brain. “I… just to hang out, you know? I’m too chicken to ask her, and since you’re her best friend…” She would find the stuttering adorable in any other situation, but not now, not when one of the most beautiful girls she knew was so into _her_ Jiwoo that she hadn’t even dared to ask her directly for her number. She had waited until she had three beers in her body to even bring it up with her. Jungeun knew her face couldn’t have been any less encouraging, but she couldn’t find it in herself to feel sorry for Sooyoung.

Her _best friend._ She felt like screaming. Wasn’t it obvious that they were more than that? Even if they were hiding, she foolishly hoped that everyone would be able to guess what they were, what they shared. Jungeun realized then that no one knew Jiwoo was hers and she was Jiwoo’s, even though that was everything to them.

The college student deflated like a balloon when she saw the younger girl approaching, and with an awkward smile turned around to look for Jinsol. Jungeun felt sorry for Sooyoung then, for she missed the way in which Jiwoo’s eyes twinkled under the cheap bar lights when she looked into her girlfriend’s eyes, saying everything that, no doubt, Sooyoung longed to hear.

That night, Jungeun claimed Jiwoo’s mouth hungrily, barely giving her any time to recover before she locked her bedroom door and brought the girl closer, Jiwoo’s previously cheery disposition erased by kisses and burning touches. She lost herself in the heat of Jiwoo’s mouth, and before she knew it she was pulling back enough to raise Jiwoo’s arms, slipping her t-shirt off. The prettiest blush was spreading down her neck, reaching her heaving chest, and Jungeun had never felt so starved for anything in her life. She pushed the girl down onto the bed and followed behind, mewling when she felt skilled fingers dipping down under her shirt against her back, daringly pressing beneath the waistband of her jeans until she found cotton and skin again. She pulled back unceremoniously to take off her own shirt before leaning back down like a predator.

“God,” she muttered hoarsely, dipping her tongue back inside Jiwoo’s awaiting mouth, always so ready to take everything Jungeun had to give. She usually found it adorable how fixated Jiwoo was on her shoulders, broadened by years of competitive swimming and various other sports, but tonight she wanted Jiwoo holding onto them like she had never wanted anything. “You feel so good…”

Jiwoo’s eyes rolled into her head, her hips rocking up into Jungeun’s at the words and the feeling of Jungeun’s thumb squeezing beneath her underwire, venturing farther and farther, caressing her so intimately she might combust. “What…” she tried to formulate, but Jungeun’s insistent mouth was effective, too effective. Finally, she managed to fight against every instinct flaring up in her body and turned her head, whimpering when Jungeun’s teeth found her neck and her free hand reached the clasp of her bra. “Baby, what are you doing?”

At first she thought that the girl wouldn’t say anything but then she pulled back, shoulders and triceps straining so attractively under the skin that Jiwoo’s throat dried for a second. She didn’t let herself get distracted, and instead looked into Jungeun’s eyes, dark and possessive, and she knew there was a reason behind it.

Her soothing hand running up and down Jungeun’s tense back helped the older girl calm down; she sighed and dropped to her side, next to Jiwoo. She didn’t pull away completely, letting her lips brush against the girl’s arm when she spoke, feeling her diaphragm rise and fall with every breath Jiwoo took under her hand.

“Sometimes I don’t like that people don’t know. About us. Sometimes I get angry that people think you’re just my best friend. I would kill for you, Jiwoo.” She looked at her then, trying to convey just how much she meant it. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I would kill a hundred spiders with my bare hands. I’m serious!” She was smiling then, chest rumbling with laughter at her girlfriend’s adorable _no you wouldn’t!_ Before her face turned neutral once again. “It just hit me, I guess. I couldn’t imagine not loving you, and people just don’t know…”

Jiwoo was looking down at her softly, with infinite patience shining in her eyes. Jungeun decided not to tell her about Sooyoung. She felt like it wasn’t her secret to tell, and she’d feel betrayed if someone breached her privacy like that.

“I love you,” Jiwoo murmured, still serious, gaze unwavering. If Jungeun could pry her chest open, she would let Jiwoo guard her heart, clumsy as she was. “I love you so much that I don’t know what to do with it sometimes. And this is stupid, and we are better than this, but…I am yours. And you are mine, too.” She moved her hand to rest on top of the other girl’s, lacing their fingers above her bare stomach. “And I can’t wait until I’m a famous singer and you’re my trophy wife.”

She was laughing like a child, trying to avoid Jungeun’s nimble fingers on her naked sides, vulnerable to the older girl’s torture.

“ _You_ are going to be _my_ arm candy, stupid,” the dancer counterattacked, and she was still grinning when she took Jiwoo’s laughter into her mouth.

 

\--

 

She told Jinsol first.

“Jiwoo’s not my best friend.”

Jinsol’s confused face made her backtrack, realizing her mistake but _God,_ she was so nervous she barely knew what she wanted to say. As she spent more and more time with the girl – their showcase was coming up and they had to rehearse for different dances together – she came to an unexpected realization: they had a policy of don’t ask, don’t tell that pretty much left them unaware of the other’s lives, and it never occurred to Jungeun that maybe she wasn’t the only one hiding something.

Jungeun started paying attention, and seemed to have found the gold. The college student had been giving private dance lessons to one of the girls in Jungeun’s class; a girl who thought about being a trainee but didn’t feel confident enough in her dancing. Jinsol’s eyes sparkled when she spoke about Kim Dahyun, and she had ditched their showcase rehearsals more than once just to spend the afternoon with a struggling Dahyun, texting Jungeun after with too many emojis. As her suspicions grew, so did her trust in Jinsol. It made sense, after all, that she’d tell the only friend she suspected to be gay as well.

“Okay, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, she _is_ my best friend,” she looked like a buffoon, she knew, but Jinsol was a good listener and she had even put down her chips, so she ventured ahead. “What I meant is, we’re together. As more than friends.”

The slow widening of Jinsol’s eyes was as dramatic as it was heart-stopping.

“Holy shit! For real? I just thought you were crushing on her like a dumbass!”

“Wait, _what_?”

So. Telling Jinsol turned out to be anticlimactic, which was good in the grand scheme of things. The younger girl truly felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, even if it had been a small step. They spent hours talking about the new territory in their friendship – in reality it was mostly Jinsol asking increasingly personal questions in her amazement – and Jungeun was happy and maybe a bit proud that she had managed to open up like that. She realized with a start that she was the first person other than Jiwoo that knew about her. When she told Jinsol as much, the over-excited freshman seemed to tone down, reflective of their change of atmosphere.

“How do you feel?” She asked her, mindful of how big this moment must have been for her.

Jungeun shrugged. “I feel lighter than I did half an hour ago, _definitely_ relieved that it’s…you know. Not awkward.” There was no easy way to tell Jinsol that she was ridiculously happy that she wasn’t a homophobe in disguise, even when all evidence pointed the other way. “Thank you.”

It was silent in the room then – Jinsol had told her that Sooyoung was out with some friends, and Jungeun was embarrassed by how relieved she’d been –, the older girl looked deep in thought, and then, it was Jungeun’s time to gasp in shock.

“I made out with Kim Dahyun in my car yesterday after I invited her to a McDonald’s Happy Meal.”

 

\--

 

Jiwoo was splendid under the spotlight.

Her voice carried over the room like magic, notes twisting and rising so flawlessly that the air seemed to still when the sounds did, if only for a second. Jungeun could barely breathe.

Everyone was there: Jiwoo’s parents and little sister Yeojin, their friends and some acquaintances from around the school and she spotted a girl with pink hair who she remembered to be Haseul’s best friend, no doubt there to support her friend. Jinsol was there too, with Sooyoung.

The black haired girl was completely mesmerized by the show, rightfully so. The younger girl was too happy to let jealousy occupy her mind for more than a second, and she turned back to her girlfriend, shining like the brightest star in the sky. Suddenly she saw the future they had envisioned so many times before, and her eyes started stinging.

When the song came to a close, the cheering was so loud that Jiwoo’s nose scrunched at the sound on stage. Jungeun’s hands hurt from clapping and her throat was raw from screaming. Brown eyes illuminated by a spotlight found hers, and she mouthed the most sincere _I love you_ in the world.

 

\--

 

“Hey, Sooyoung unnie.”

The girls had started mingling around, waiting until Jiwoo came out to leave with them, and Jungeun found herself approaching a fidgeting Sooyoung. Jinsol wasn’t very good company when Dahyun was around, and to the eldest’s dismay, the high school senior had shown up not long ago.

Jungeun had tried to ease herself back into Sooyoung’s presence which had turned uncomfortable after her birthday dinner a week before, but it proved difficult when it seemed like she was avoiding her, which, _fair._ She had been kind of an asshole for no apparent reason after all, and she could only guess how hard it had been for her to approach Jungeun and request that of her during her birthday.

The college student smiled at her hesitantly, making herself stand taller unconsciously. Jungeun couldn’t blame her.

“How have you been? It’s been busy lately,” she knew it was a cheap excuse, but the truth was out of the question and she never claimed to be a good conversationalist; that’s what Jiwoo was for.

“Yeah, school’s been crazy, huh? I wouldn’t go back to my senior year if they paid me,” she teased gently, and Jungeun could finally smile. “I’ve been good, really. Live fast, die young, all that crap.”

“Sounds interesting. Finally joined a gang to bike around during the day and raid the rich at night?”

She snorted ungraciously. “As if. Got a part-time job at a café on campus and I swear one day I’m going to end up punching someone.”

Jungeun laughed at the mental image of soft spoken, carefree Sooyoung decking someone in the face over a cappuccino. “Yeah, I’d like to see that. We’ll go sometime just for the punching, don’t disappoint!” The implied _Jiwoo and I_ hung heavily in the air, but there was no point avoiding mentioning the girl they were there for in the first place. Sooyoung’s eyes lit up for a second at the thought.

“That’d be nice,” she said. “Thank you for the encouragement, though. I really need to let off some steam.”

“Anytime.”

Jungeun heard then the distinctive sound of Jiwoo’s raucous laughter followed by the obnoxiously loud whoops of their friends, and her body, attuned as it was to the girl, turned almost automatically towards it. It would’ve been embarrassing, had she not seen the other girl’s face turning to the sound as well.

She hadn’t even made it to the group when her girlfriend spotted her, letting Heejin messily plant a kiss on her face before skipping towards Jungeun while releasing a high pitched scream that made her mom grimace in the corner. The girl opened her arms wide just in time for Jiwoo to jump into them, immediately burying her face in her shoulder.

“You did so well, my god,” Jungeun whispered, sincerity lacing every word, “I’m so _so_ proud, baby. I can’t wait to be your trophy wife.” Everyone was a safe distance away, and she allowed herself to soften a bit.

Jiwoo laughed wetly, and the older girl could tell that she’d started crying, finally succumbing to her emotions. They stayed like that for a while, spinning on the spot slowly with all the people they loved watching, and some of them (namely Chaeyoung and Jinsol) filming the entire thing with unclear purposes. She eventually let her go, smiling softly at the lovely mess in her arms.

“Your mom got you that waterproof mascara, didn’t she?” She joked as she wiped the tears off her face. The younger girl chuckled, staying still so the job would be easier for Jungeun. She pulled back when she was done, allowing Sooyoung and Jinsol to approach her with their own words of encouragement.

Jiwoo was born for the spotlight, that much was clear. She accepted every compliment with a gracious smile and took any criticism in her stride. Really, Jungeun would be hard pressed to find a person more deserving of her dreams than her girlfriend was.

They celebrated that night with all their friends, laughing until their sides ached and eating like an army. Sooyoung and Jinsol managed to sneak some alcohol into the table as always, but it only worked to make Nayeon embarrassingly confident and Dahyun start dancing in a weird fashion. Jinsol looked strangely endeared, and Jungeun laughed at how similar they were.

That night, Jungeun brought Jiwoo to her house.

“Be quiet,” the older brunette whispered, trying not to laugh at her girlfriend tripping over her own feet, her heels making it more difficult to coordinate her steps in the dark. The girl nodded and spanked Jungeun softly to indicate that she wasn’t the one making noise. They finally reached Jungeun’s room and closed the door without too much fanfare. When the architects designed the blueprint for every house in the neighborhood, they probably didn’t have in mind how helpful it’d be for hormonal teenagers to have their room on the side of the house opposite to the master bedroom.

The singer sat down on the bed, looking bright like she was still on stage. Jungeun looked at her for a second and then shook her head, frowning.

“Stop that.”

Jiwoo was genuinely confused. “Stop what?”

She simply walked up to her bed, leaning down quickly to kiss Jiwoo. Her girlfriend’s hands automatically moved to the lapels of her jacket to pull her closer, but with one last swipe of her tongue she leaned back. “Stop looking so kissable all the time.”

She had no time to reply. Jungeun had produced a bouquet of flowers, beautiful red roses splattered amongst yellow flowers, lush and beautiful. Jungeun tried to hide the nervousness in her face, but it didn’t really matter. Jiwoo knew her in and out, and could tell that this meant a lot to her.

“Jiwoo-ah, I’m so proud of you. Not just today, but every day. You are admirable in every sense of the word, and today, watching you up there…I just felt it. Felt what we always talk about, our future, our lives, our dreams…” she didn’t realize she was about to cry until Jiwoo’s face became blurry, but she didn’t need to see her to hear her quiet sniffles. “I saw it today, and it made me realize that I can’t wait to have it all with you.” She fell down to her knees right in front of the girl, coming closer. Jiwoo cradled the bouquet in the crook of her arm, placing her hand on the juncture of Jungeun’s neck and shoulder. “Also, you kinda sing well, so I figured I might as well congratulate you…”

Their wet laughs overlapped in the quiet of the night, cocooned by their love inside Jungeun’s childhood room, where they kissed for the first time so many months ago. It was crazy to imagine how much and how little everything had changed.

Their tears had stopped a while ago; Jungeun had lolled her head forward, resting it against Jiwoo’s chest as the girl cradled her close. They were so ridiculously happy that it was difficult to imagine life being anything less than this.

“Don’t be mad, but I thought you were bringing me here to have your way with me.”

Jungeun kissed a warm palm next to her face and slid her hands from Jiwoo’s back to her thighs, squeezing them suggestively before stretching up to kiss her.

“No, that’s definitely happening too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter: @jiwendys  
> i need people to scream with about these two literal soulmates


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